Story Saturday: Not- A- Spy Writes

We are showcasing Stories every Saturday for your reading pleasure. Over the next four weeks, we'll cover Not- A- Spy- Writes story called Don't Tell Me.

Don’t Tell Me - part four - END It’s Saturday and things are…not going according to plan. Will they pull through? Can Owens and Adalie save the day? And where has Chalice gotten to? Warnings: mentions of terrorism, depictions of violence, mentions of bombs, explosions, guns, smoking, swearing and descriptions of panic and anxiety attacks. Word count for part three: 4,048 Author’s note: And we’re at the end! I hope you’ve enjoyed this Team Black adventure and don’t worry, there will be more coming soon. I’ll be taking a week off in between, but I’ll be back soon with more Team Black. In the meantime, get your iced coffees ready and please don’t be afraid to let me know what you think! As ever, thank you for reading - not-a-spy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Adalie was breathing heavily, her hair, which had been arranged in a tight bun, now sticking out in all directions, her bangs matted down with sweat. She swallowed hard. Owens wasn’t sure he’d ever seen her so nervous. Normally, she was the cool headed one on the team, the one who kept everyone together, but Interpol didn’t train their agents in bomb defusal so that position had fallen to him. He was about as far from calm as he could get without having a full-on panic attack. “How much time?” Owens asked. “Five minutes. Please hurry up.” Adalie said. “Going as fast as I can.” Owens answered, trying to keep his voice calm and reassuring. He wasn’t sure how well he was succeeding in that regard, but he didn’t think Adalie was really paying attention. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Adalie held her breath as he cut the next wire, visibly relaxing when nothing happened. He wasn’t sure, not in the slightest, but he wasn’t going to admit that. “Yes.” “So, what’s our next step?” Adalie asked. She was doing a bad job of pretending to be calm, her voice shaking despite her best efforts. “Hand me that screwdriver.” Owens said. Adalie did and he began to unscrew the small metal panel, holding his breath. He hadn’t used his bomb training in years and the fact that his hands were shaking like the leaves of a weeping willow wasn’t helping. On the other side of the bomb, Adalie figited. Her obvious anxiety wasn’t helping Owens to stay calm. The panel popped off easily. “Oh god there’s actually coloured wires, just like the movies.” Adalie tried to force a smile onto her face but failed long before it reached her eyes. She paused, trying to meet Owens’ eyes. “What do we do?” He didn’t answer her for a moment, his eyes fixed on the bomb. “Give me a second.” “We have three minutes.” She hissed. “Just give me a second to think.” Owens replied, still not meeting her eyes. He was chewing absentmindedly on his bottom lip, frowning at the wires in front of him as if they would give him answers. Why was he in charge of this thing in the first place? He wasn’t qualified for this, not with the lives of goodness knew how many people, including the team, at stake. Certainly not with Chalice in that building. He quickly turned his mind back to the bomb. He was so preoccupied that he barely heard Chalice’s flustered voice in his ear above the relentless pounding of his own heart. “This isn’t a good time.” Owens replied automatically, more curtly than he wanted to, and barely listened to Chalice’s reply. When the words finally registered, everything stopped. “I’m sorry.” Chalice whispered, before the line went dead. Owens froze, hit by a wave of indistinguishable emotions followed closely by a wave of overwhelming panic. He couldn’t breath, couldn’t even open his eyes. Chalice was about to die and … His thoughts trailed off, found nowhere else to go, and circled back around again. “Owens!” Adalie practically yelled his name and he forced himself to open his eyes and fake some semblance of concentration on the task at hand. “Sorry.” Owens mumbled. “You cut the green wire and I’ll cut the yellow one. Ready?” They cut both the wires at the same time, her blue eyes fixed intently on his. He looked away quickly. Nothing happened, no explosion, and he felt Adalie give a sigh of relief. He swallowed hard, his mind still racing a mile a minute. He needed to focus. He needed to defuse the bomb. He wasn’t entirely sure how he managed it. They cut the wires, his brain working on autopilot, as if he was back in training working on a decoy. He was only aware that he had done it successfully when Adalie almost cheered. “Mein Gott, you did it. With 30 seconds to spare.” Adalie flashed him a rare smile but his mind had already started to spiral downwards and suddenly he couldn’t breath. The smile quickly vanished from her face. Her lips moved but Owens couldn’t hear her, couldn’t focus on anything. He only barely registered her voice speaking rapidly to Nils or someone. He felt someone grab him, lift him to his feet, saying something he couldn’t make out. “Owens!” Maurice’s face came into focus and Owens managed to take a deep breath. Maurice gently sat him down. “Hey, you good?” “I’m alright.” Owens managed to gasp out. “Just shaken. It was a tense moment, y’know, I haven’t used that bomb training in many years.” Owens gave Maurice a weak smile, which he returned, hesitantly. “You sure you’re alright? You look a little rough.” “I’ll be fine!” Owens struggled to make himself sound calm and relaxed. “I just need a second. Where’s Chalice?” ***** “We’ve got him out.” Maurice spoke into his earpiece as he pushed his way past throngs of confused politicians to get back into the building. “I’m going back in, we’re still missing Chalice.” “Fuck. Is Owens okay?” Nils asked. Maurice slipped past a group of flustered ladies in ball gowns and quickly ran down the stairs into the basement of the hotel. “Not really, but it could be worse. He’s holding it together, for now.” “Right.” Nils’ voice was tense. “Cipriana, you were with Chalice, right? Where did you see him last?” Maurice pushed open a door at the bottom of the stairs, blatantly ignoring the ‘staff only’ label on it. “I don’t know, I didn’t see if he went upstairs or down into the basement. Maurice, where are you?” Her voice echoed in his ear. “I went downstairs, you can take the upstairs. Nils, have you managed to contact him yet?” Maurice asked, pausing a moment to let his eyes adjust to the darkness before moving forwards slowly. “No, I’ve got nothing on my end.” Nils said. Cipriana sighed. “Maurice, I can’t help thinking this was my fault.” “Nonsense.” Maurice said. “He’s an adult, he can look after himself and he should know better.” “Yeah.” Cipriana said. “What’s going on with Owens, by the way?” Maurice asked. “He’s not looking too good.” “I don’t know. Adalie said he was talking to someone on his earpiece then he went weird and really quiet. It wasn’t me, and it wasn’t Nils.” “So it must have been Chalice.” Maurice finished. “What the fuck did he say?” “We’ll have to ask him when we find him.” Cipriana said. “Anything on your end yet?” “Nothing.” Maurice said, pausing outside a closed door. He listened for a second before pushing the door open. The room was empty. “Oh shit!” Cipriana half-yelled, almost making Maurice fall over. “Oh shit, Maurice, call a med team. Chalice has been shot.” “Fuck.” Maurice turned around and practically sprinted back up the stairs and out of the door towards the ambulances. “Hang on, Cipriana, someone will be there in a second.” “Okay.” Cipriana said. She sounded surprisingly calm. “Where are you?” Maurice asked, stopping next to one of the ambulances. “In the upstairs hallway, right at the end of the corridor.” Cipriana said. “Someone’s been shot, upstairs at the end of the hallway.” Maurice panted, speaking to one of the paramedics. He nodded, gesturing to another paramedic. “We’ll get right up there. D’you know if they’re conscious?” “Cipriana?” Maurice said into his earpiece. “Is he still conscious?” “No.” Maurice shook his head and the paramedics ran off towards the building. “They’re on their way, just hang on.” Maurice said, hoping he sounded reassuring. “Okay. I’ll ride with him and meet you at the hospital, okay?” “Sure. I think Nils has already driven Owens down there so I’ll see if I can hitch a lift with one of the BND guys.” Harmon, who had just walked up beside him, raised his eyebrows and gestured at a car behind him. “Alright. I gotta go, Maurice, I’ll see you at the hospital.” Cipriana said. The line went dead and Maurice turned to Harmon. “You need a lift?” Harmon asked. “Yes please, to the hospital if you don’t mind.” Harmon raised his eyebrows in alarm, already starting to move towards the car. “Everyone okay?” Maurice sighed. “It looks like Chalice has been shot and Owens isn’t doing too well. Frankly, I have no idea what’s happening.” “”Yikes.” Harmon said as they climbed into the car. “I mean, on the bright side, you guys pulled off that operation pretty seamlessly.” “Thanks to Owens we did. Do you guys have bomb training?” Maurice asked casually. “No?” “Yeah neither do we. Luckily for us, MI-6 used to, that’s the only thing that saved this operation.” “That’s damn lucky. Your agent saved everyone in that building.” Maurice nodded. “Yeah, yeah he did.” Harmon nodded quietly and they fell into silence for the rest of the drive. The night was dark and clear, without a spot of rain. Maurice stared gloomily out of the passenger side window, lost in thought. There was something going on, something in the works that he didn’t like. Being only an agent, Vicky and Nils didn’t tell him anything, but he could feel that something was off. “We’re here.” Harmon’s voice cut into his thoughts. “Oh. Thanks for the ride, I guess I’ll see you later.” Maurice said as he climbed out of the car. “Yeah, for sure. Are you guys leaving immediately, d’you think?” Harmon asked, leaning over the passenger seat to talk to Maurice out of the partially open door. Maurice shrugged. “I don’t know. I’d guess we’ll be hanging around for awhile, since we now have two agents in hospital. And I still don’t know what’s going on with Owens.” “Right. I’m sure Nils will let us know. Best wishes to you guys.” Maurice nodded again. “Thanks.” He turned and walked towards the hospital, tucking his hands into the pockets of his suit jacket. He had only just remembered that he was still wearing the suit from the ball and sighed. Nils and Cipriana were waiting for him just inside the doors of the hospital. Both of them looked disheveled and tired, Cipriana leaning heavily against the wall in an effort to stay upright. “Hey.” Nils said, turning towards him. “Hey. How’s Chalice doing?” Maurice asked through a yawn. Nils shrugged. “There’s no update yet, but as far as we know he’s still unconscious.” Maurice swallowed hard. “Is he expected to pull through?” “We don’t know.” Nils sighed, passing a hand over his face. “They won’t tell us anything. We’re going to have to wait.” “Why don’t you guys go back to the hotel?” Maurice suggested. “You look exhausted. I’ll stay and let you know if anything happens.” Okay.” Nils said. “You’ll have to sit with Owens though, he’s still not doing too great.” “Right.” Maurice nodded. He had expected as much. “I’ll grab a cup of coffee and go sit with him.” “Sounds good. And you’ll let me know whatever happens, right?” “Of course.” Maurice said. “Go back to the hotel and get some rest, both of you. I’ll be okay.” “Okay.” Nils said. “We’ll see you in the morning then. Oh! The room is just down that hall to the right, you’ll see Owens sitting outside. Call if you need anything at all.” “Yes, of course I will. Go!” Maurice laughed, gesturing towards the doors. They left, Nils flashing him a wave as he left. Maurice sighed, running his fingers through his curls, the sticky texture reminding him of the copious amounts of gel in his hair. Shaking his fingers free, he made his way towards Chalice’s room. He stopped by the small canteen on his way, grabbing a cup of strong coffee and, on second thought, a glass of water for Owens. Maurice turned the corner of the corridor and stopped. Owens was sitting about halfway down the corridor, his head between his knees and his hands laced over the back of his head. Maurice frowned sadly and made his way quietly down the corridor towards him. Maurice stopped, putting his coffee down on a chair and kneeling down in front of Owens. “Hey.” He said quietly. Owens started, suddenly sitting bolt upright. His breathing was fast and irregular. Maurice held out the glass of water to him and Owens took it with a quiet nod, taking a small sip. “What d’you need?” Maurice asked gently. Owens gasped for air and shook his head helplessly. “I-” He swallowed hard, trying to force the words out. “It’s okay.” Maurice said. “Take your time. What normally helps?” “Chalice.” Owens managed to gasp. “Okay. What does he normally do? How can I help?” Owens shook his head again. “He just, he just waits it out.” “Okay. I need you to take a deep breath, okay?” Maurice said gently. Owens did. “Good. There’s something I’m gonna get you to try, alright? This might work to calm you down a little, hopefully.” Owens looked confused but nodded, his breath still coming hard and fast. “Alright. Take another deep breath and tell me five things that you can see.” “What?” Owens asked breathlessly. “Tell me five things you can see.” Maurice repeated patiently. “It’s a grounding exercise, it’ll help to bring you back to reality.” “Okay.” Owens said, hesitantly, making an effort to steady his breathing and raising his head just enough to look around him a little. “Uh, well, you, obviously, and the tile floor, and the benches opposite, and…” “You’re doing great.” Maurice said gently. “Two more.” “Um, the, the glass of water and, the nurse down the hall.” Owens finished, his breathing gradually starting to return to normal. “Okay, great. Now, four things you can hear.” Owens continued, still stumbling over his words a little, but his breath slowed and evened out, the colour gradually returning to his face. When Owens finished, he was still shaky but much calmer. Maurice smiled at him. “Okay. Better?” Owens nodded. “Yeah, a little. Thank you.” “It’s no problem. I won’t be going anywhere, I offered to stay behind and keep an eye on you two.” Owens shuddered. “Is he gonna be alright?” Maurice frowned, looking away at the blank white walls. “We aren’t sure yet.” “He…” Owens started, burying his face in his hands. “Hey, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Just focus on breathing for right now.” “No, no I need to tell someone.” Owens said. “He, he thought he was going to die, I guess, and he.. He said he loved me.” Owens looked ready to burst into tears and Maurice gently handed him back the glass of water. “Just breathe, Owens, just focus on breathing okay. We don’t need to deal with that right now, alright, it can wait.” Maurice cursed under his breath. How could Chalice have done something so stupid when he knew that Owens was in such a delicate mental state. Owens finished his glass of water, his shaky breathing finally returning to almost normal. Maurice looked at him and took a sip of his forgotten coffee. “You sure you’re going to be alright?” “I think so.” Owens said quietly. “Thank you, Maurice, for everything. Where did you learn that stuff? My therapist never taught me anything like that.” “Really? They should teach you coping skills, if these attacks keep happening.” Maurice frowned. “I learnt them from my boyfriend. He used to get panic attacks too, so I did some research, took some courses and learnt how to help with them. I’ve got some books I can give you that might help.” “Really? I, well, honestly don’t think I’ve been coping so far, just, getting through it and trying to ignore it.” “You’ve been seeing someone about it?” Maurice asked. “Yeah, but, I don’t talk about this kind of thing, y’know? It’s, it’s not who I want to be. I’m stronger than that.” “It’s not a sign of weakness.” Maurice said, forcefully. “You’ve just had to rely on yourself for so long. I’m not surprised you broke down. Anyone would.” Owens smiled, nodding gently at him. “I guess I never really thought of it like that.” “You can’t carry the whole world on your shoulders. Even you need a break sometimes. Now try and get some rest, I’ll wake you up if anything happens.” ***** Nils strode into the hospital early the next morning, carrying a tray of coffees. He found Maurice and Owens still in the hallway outside Chalice’s room, Owens asleep and Maurice barely conscious, struggling to keep his eyes open despite the pile of empty coffee cups next to him. “Morning!” Nils smiled. Maurice sat up straight and rubbed his eyes. Nils grinned and handed him a cup of coffee. “I think you might need this.” “Thanks. I didn’t sleep at all last night.” Maurice said, yawning. “I didn’t think you would. Any news of Chalice?” Maurice shook his head. “He’s alive and stable but not conscious yet.” “Damn. Well, at least he’s alive. How’s Owens doing?” Nils asked, nodding towards the sleeping figure next to Maurice. Maurice sighed and shook his head sadly. “Not great. I managed to calm him down and get him to sleep a little, but he’s in one hell of a state, Nils. Chalice apparently made a confession of love because he thought he was about to die. It completely threw him.” “Fuck.” Nils swore. “What was the idiot thinking? Take Owens back to the hotel and I’ll sit with Chalice.” “Don’t make too much of a scene when he wakes up please.” Maurice laughed. “I’ll try not to. But you bet I’m going to give him one hell of a talking to.” Maurice laughed again, and leant over to gently shake Owens by the shoulder. He woke up with a start. “Morning!” Nils said cheerfully, handing him a cup of tea. “How are you feeling?” “Thanks. I’m alright, a little shaky, maybe, but I’m sure I’ll be okay.” Owens said quietly. He was pale and his voice lacked its normal confidence. “Okay. Not sure I believe you, but okay.” Nils said. “Uh, ah yeah, I’ve been told that you’ll be flying back on Wednesday. I spoke to Vicky’s doctor and she said that Vicky’ll be good to fly back then.” “Really?” Maurice asked. “I didn’t think she’d be cleared yet.” “She should be good by Wednesday. We don’t know about Chalice yet, but it’s looking pretty unlikely, so if he isn’t cleared to fly I’ll end up hanging around to look after him.” “I guess you won’t let me stay instead?” Owens asked halfheartedly. “Definitely not.” Nils said decisively. “You need to go back to London and rest. Besides, I’m going to give him shit when he wakes up.” Owens cracked a weak smile. “Don’t worry, I won’t be meaner than he deserves.” Nils laughed. Maurice looked as if he had drifted off again and Nils poked him awake. “Maurice, for the love of god, go back to the hotel and get some sleep. Owens, will you go with him, please?” Owens nodded reluctantly and got to his feet. “Hey.” Nils caught him gently by the elbow as he walked past him. “Promise me you’ll look after yourself, okay? I’ll let you know as soon as he wakes up.” Owens nodded again. “Yeah, I’ll, I’ll do my best. Thanks, Nils, I appreciate it. Just, don’t be too hard on Chalice. He was scared.” Nils sighed. “I know. But he shouldn’t have put you in that situation, Owens, it’s not fair on you.” “He wasn’t thinking straight. He thought it was going to be the last thing he said.” Owens said quietly, his voice starting to waver a little. “Okay, alright, I won’t go too hard on him.” Nils backed off. “Now, get back to the hotel and make sure Maurice doesn’t pass out on the way there.” Maurice grimaced playfully at him, chugging the rest of his coffee as he followed Owens out of the hospital. ***** A week later “Nice to have you back!” Nils said cheerfully, spinning round to face him as Chalice wandered into his office early Friday morning. “How long have you been in?” Chalice asked, flopping down onto the sofa opposite Nils. The pair had only gotten back late the night before and Chalice had just barely managed to get to Interpol half an hour late. “Uh, since about 5.” Nils’ face went serious. “I’ve had paperwork to fill out.” “Jesus.” Chalice mumbled, suppressing a yawn. “I don’t know how you manage it.” “It’s called ‘copious amounts of iced coffee.’” Nils laughed. “You look like you need some.” Chalice stuck his tongue out in mock disgust. “I can’t stand black coffee. I can only drink coffee if there’s more sugar and cream than actual coffee.” “That’s no way to treat good coffee!” Nils laughed. “How are you, by the way?” Chalice sighed, passing his hands over his face. “I’m okay, I just don’t know what to do about Owens.” “Apologize.” Nils said, tapping his pen sharply on the desk. “Apologize and tell him to forget about it.” Chalice nodded, not meeting Nils’ eyes. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” “I am. Look,” Nils leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees, “Chalice, I know how you feel about him, but he can’t handle something like this right now. You need to give him time. And you need to apologize. He’s worried about enough right now, you don’t need to add to it.” “Yeah.” Chalice mumbled, glancing around the office. “Where is he, by the way?” Nils sighed. “Probably in Vicky’s office. He’s being put on medical leave for the attacks, just for a week or two, hopefully. I hate to say this, Chalice, but it’s too risky to have him on the team right now. He could put himself and everyone else in serious danger. He leaves today.” “Today?” Chalice shot bolt-upright in his chair. “Yes. Calm down Chalice, you can try and catch him when he leaves. It’ll most likely only be two weeks. Honestly, it’ll probably be a good thing if you aren’t around each other all the time.” “This job is the only thing he has! We’re the only friends he has in London, he won’t survive alone for two weeks!” Nils rolled his eyes. “No one said you couldn’t visit. Besides, I’m sure Maurice and I have enough boyfriends between us to keep him company.” Chalice laughed. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Maurice. “Nice to see you back! You’ve missed your chance to say goodbye though, I just saw Owens leaving.” “Shit!” Chalice leapt out of his chair, and was out of the door before either of them could say anything. If he was lucky, he could catch the elevator and beat Owens to the parking garage. ***** Chalice sprinted out of the elevator, careening into the parking garage as Owens made his way towards his motorcycle. “Owens!” Chalice called, stopping in the middle of the roadway and putting his hands on his knees to catch his breath. Owens didn’t turn around, so he tried again. “Owens! Owens!” There was still no response from Owens and Chalice sighed, trying one last time. “Theodore!” His voice broke as he yelled, the emotions he had been trying so desperately to hide suddenly crashing into the open. Owens turned to face him, motorcycle helmet in hand. He didn’t talk, just raised his eyebrows questioningly. He looked pale and drawn, with dark bags under his eyes. Chalice wondered when was the last time he’d slept and wondered how much of that sleeplessness he was responsible for. “Look, I,” Chalice straightened himself up and moved forward a few steps, holding his hands out pleadingly, “Owens, I wanted to apologize. What I said, at the ball, wasn’t fair on you and I’m sorry that I put you through that.” Owens didn’t say anything for a few minutes, staring at him blankly. Chalice willed him to speak, to yell at him, to do anything to break the blanket of silence that had fallen over them. “Did you mean it?” Owens asked flatly. Chalice started, momentarily taken aback. “What?” He stammered. “Did you mean it? What you said at the ball.” Chalice swallowed hard. “Yes.” THE END

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